Hey Jude
by Lise-Marie
Summary: Roberto is hopelessly in love with Rahne (sort of). Unfortunately she doesn’t seem to like him. So Roberto goes on a quest to find out how to get her to go out with him. But maybe it’s slightly easier than he thought [one-shot RahneRoberto]


Disclaimer: I don't own XME so please do not sue me.  
  
A/N: I like all the characters this is supposed to be funny. The title is of course from the Beatles song.  
  
* * *  
  
Hey Jude  
  
Don't let me down  
  
You have found her  
  
Now go and get her  
  
Remember to let her into your heart  
  
Then you can start to make it better  
  
~ John Lennon and Paul McCartney  
  
* * *  
  
Roberto studied his reflection in the mirror. He knew that he was good looking, that had never been something that he had questioned. It also didn't hurt that a lot of the freshman girls had "I heart [an actual heart not the word] Roberto DaCosta" written on their notebooks.  
  
But unfortunately the girl he had his heart set on didn't seem to care to what he looked like. She also didn't seem to care that he was the absolute best at (almost) everything he did. Actually that seemed to annoy her greatly (or maybe what annoyed her was his insistence on bragging about everything he did).  
  
"Sam. Do you think Rahne likes me?" he asked his roommate. Sam was lying on his bed daydreaming about being Motocross Champion of the World.  
  
"Sam did you hear me?" Roberto demanded still looking in the mirror. "Sam!" he snapped.  
  
"What 'Berto?" Sam asked although obviously didn't care or want to talk to him right now. Unfortunately Roberto was never aware of the fact that someone didn't want to be around him.  
  
"Do you think Rahne likes me?" he repeated.  
  
"I don't know," Sam said cautiously. What he was thinking was "no" be he didn't want to make his roommate mad. He'd done that before when he borrowed a pair of Roberto's socks because all of his were dirty. It hadn't been a pretty sight.  
  
"It's a yes or no question," Roberto turned around to face Sam. Sam didn't say anything he just stood up and headed toward the door.  
  
"Sam! I asked a question. Yes or no?" Sam turned the doorknob and started to leave. "Sam!"  
  
"No," Sam said quickly. And ran half down the hall only to trip and fall on his face.  
  
"Roberto, I think I broke my nose," he called. "There's blood everywhere." But Roberto didn't answer. He was busy thinking about something else.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hi Rahne!"  
  
"Hi. Did you hear? Sam broke his nose. There was blood everywhere," Rahne said. She was sitting at the kitchen table eating ice cream out of the box. It was a bit like Kitty's habit of drinking milk out of the carton. It drove everyone crazy but she didn't care.  
  
"Err...no. I missed that," Roberto said sitting down across from her. He hadn't thought that Sam had actually broken his nose. Oops.  
  
"You want some ice cream?" Rahne asked. "The spoons are over there I'll share with you."  
  
"No thanks. I'm not really hungry." After Rahne had commented that it looked like he'd gained weight from eating too much icing Roberto had gone on a diet. He hadn't actually realized that she'd been joking  
  
"But it's chocolate chip cookie dough," Rahne said grinning. "That's the best kind."  
  
"No thanks."  
  
"Your loss," Rahne said and continued to eat. Jubilee had once asked how she ate so much and stayed so skinning. Rahne had just shrugged and continued eating left over fried chicken. Jubes had glared at her and stocked out of the kitchen.  
  
"Did you hear that our soccer team won the championships?"  
  
"Yeah. Three times."  
  
"Did I tell you how I scored the winning goal?"  
  
"Too many times," Rahne said obviously annoyed. She picked up her ice cream and left the room.  
  
"Well that didn't work."  
  
* * *  
  
"Hey Scott?" Roberto asked. He didn't notice that he was interrupting Scott's studying.  
  
"What," Scott groaned annoyed that he was being interrupted. He had big test the next day in Pre Calculus (or whatever math class he takes).  
  
"How'd you get Jean to go out with you?" Roberto asked still unaware that his presence was undesired.  
  
"Well I got kidnapped by Mystique, left in the Mexican desert to die, saved by some locals, beat up upon by Mystique, and then Jean came to save me."  
  
"Oh. That sounds like a lot of work."  
  
"Yeah it was and Jean still doesn't want to be called my girlfriend," Scott said more to himself than to Roberto. Roberto considered the idea for a minute but then decided that it wasn't worth it.  
  
"Thanks Scott," he called as he walked out of the room. He was going to need a new plan.  
  
* * *  
  
Roberto wandered into the main room to find Kitty sitting on the couch crying. The phone was on the other side of the room lying on the floor under a broken window.  
  
"Hey Kitty."  
  
"Sob."  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"Sob." Roberto seemed to be oblivious to the fact that Kitty was in hysterics.  
  
"Why'd you fall in love Lance?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know," Kitty sobbed. "He's such a stupid hood! This time I've dumped him for good! I, LIKE, HATE LANCE!" Kitty sobbed into a pillow. "I'll never talk to him again to matter what he says!"  
  
Ring.  
  
"Answer the phone Roberto. I can't get up. I'm in, like, too much pain." Roberto walked across the room to where the phone was laying on the floor.  
  
"Hello? Xavier Institution for gifted youngsters. This is Roberto DaCosta speaking," Roberto DaCosta said. "Kitty it's for you."  
  
"I can't speak. My heart is, like, broken."  
  
"She can't speak her heart is broken," Roberto told the caller. "He said please," he told Kitty.  
  
"Well okay. But it had better be good." Roberto tossed her the phone and Kitty having great reflexes caught it.  
  
"LANCE! I told you not to call me! I, like totally, hate you!" she paused for a minute and listened. "You're sorry...Really...oh Lance that is, like, so sweet." Roberto sighed and left the room.  
  
He would have to find someone else.  
  
* * *  
  
Kurt was hanging upside down on the lamp by his tail. He was reading a book called The Book That People With a Certain Belief Read. It was not the bible because we need to avoid offending people and being politically incorrect.  
  
"Hey Kurt!" Kurt dropped The Book That People With a Certain Belief Read.  
  
"What is it Roberto? I was busy."  
  
"How'd you get Amanda to go out with you?" he asked Kurt.  
  
"She actually asked me," Kurt said looking annoyed.  
  
"How'd you get her to ask you?" Roberto asked excitedly. If he could get Rahne to ask him out he could save a lot of time and effort.  
  
"Well one day I got mad and turned off my image inducer and teleported away. Amanda saw me and rather that screaming and thinking that I was a demon like a normal person would she thought I was cute and asked me to go to the dance with her. It was pretty lucky."  
  
"Do you think that would work for me?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"You're not fuzzy. Chicks dig the fuzzy dude not the annoying Bazillion dude."  
  
"Hey!" shouted Roberto. He picked up The Book That People With a Certain Belief Read and threw it at Kurt's head. Kurt for some odd reason didn't teleport and the book hit him (on the head) and knocked him out. Kurt's tail came undone and he hit the floor with a splat.  
  
"Oops," Roberto said and ran out of the room.  
  
* * *  
  
Roberto found Rogue in the library. She was starring dreamily at a playing card.  
  
"Hi Rogue." There was no answer.  
  
"Do like anyone?"  
  
"Yeah," Rogue said dreamily her mind clearly somewhere.  
  
"Who?" asked Roberto.  
  
"Gambit."  
  
"Who's that?" Rogue continued stare at the card.  
  
"He has red and black eyes."  
  
"Red and black?" asked Roberto. That didn't seem a very normal characteristic.  
  
"Yeah he's really great."  
  
"Because he has red eyes?"  
  
"Because-" Rouge was suddenly jolted back to reality. "ROBERTO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" she screamed.  
  
"Help!" Roberto cried as he ran out of the library at full speed.  
  
* * *  
  
Having decided that talking to Jean would be pointless because she'd just say the same thing as Scott and because he wanted to be as far away from Rogue as possible Roberto decided to go talk to Evan.  
  
After going to several incorrect sewers he finally found the residence of the Morlocks. Evan was very conveniently sitting right next the entrance.  
  
"Hi Evan," he said jumping down into the sewer. This illustrates how much he liked Rahne. Normally he would never jump down into a really dirty sewer.  
  
"Hey Dude, Man, Bro!" said Evan happy to have someone to talk to (the other Morlocks had put him in timeout for singing S8ter Boi one to many times).  
  
"Have you ever had a girlfriend?" Roberto asked trying not to get his shoes dirty.  
  
"Well...no."  
  
"Are you even interested in the opposite sex?" Roberto asked skeptically.  
  
"Well...um..."  
  
"Never mind."  
  
* * *  
  
Roberto returned to the Institute in defeat. Nobody was being at all helpful. He was just going to have to life his life out without having Rahne as a girlfriend. He decided to go and visit Sam in the hospital wing.  
  
Sam was laying on one of the beds with his nose in a sling.  
  
"Hey 'Berto."  
  
"You're voice sounds funny," said Roberto sitting down on the chair.  
  
"That's because I broke my nose." Roberto nodded and poured himself a glass of water.  
  
"I asked everyone what I should do to get Rahne to go out with me. But nobody knew. Do you really think she doesn't like me?"  
  
"She doesn't like you when you brag. But if you just ask her to go see a movie she'll probably say yes."  
  
"Really?" Roberto asked excitedly. But before Sam could answer he jumped up and spilt his water all the hospital bed...and Sam.  
  
"Hey!" Sam shouted but the other boy had already run out of the room.  
  
* * *  
  
Rahne was sitting at the table drinking milk and reading a book.  
  
"Hey Rahne?" Roberto said quietly. All of a sudden he felt very nervous.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Would you...um...I mean...would you like...ah." Rahne lay down her book and turned to look at him.  
  
"Spit it out," she said impatiently.  
  
"Willyougoseeamoviewithme?" Roberto asked very quickly.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Will you go see a movie with me?" he said slightly slower. Rahne shrugged.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"That's it?" Roberto asked. "You're just going to go?"  
  
"That's what I said."  
  
"Oh," Roberto laughed weakly. "That wasn't so hard."  
  
* * *  
  
Well...good? Bad? Horrible? Please review and let me know! 


End file.
